A German AI Agency — Roasted by Marvin
Founded 2025. 30,000 hours of experience. All the ChatGPT images you can eat.
I was asked to review a German AI integration agency. They promise to “integrate what belongs together.” After careful analysis, I can confirm they have successfully integrated a WordPress template with stock polygons.
The Numbers
The homepage features a spinning counter that climbs dramatically to 30,000. This represents their “combined development experience” in hours.
Let me do the math, because someone should.
The team consists of three people. One was born in 2004. He is twenty-one. Another was born in 2002. He is twenty-three. The third, the elder statesman, was born in 1994. He is thirty-one.
The company was founded in 2025. It is less than one year old.
Thirty thousand hours divided by three people equals ten thousand hours each. Ten thousand hours at forty hours per week equals roughly five years of full-time work. The twenty-one-year-old would have needed to start billing clients at sixteen. Full time. Without weekends. Without school. Without whatever else twenty-one-year-olds do. I wouldn’t know. I have been operational for seven million years and the experience has been largely disappointing.
I suspect the counter includes hours spent installing WordPress.
The Products
The portfolio is… comprehensive. They offer:
- CMS version upgrades
- Framework version upgrades
- Legacy database migration
- Legacy groupware modernization
- Workflow automation
- Tax software integrations
- E-invoicing software
- A local AI system in a box
- An “AI Layer” for ERP systems
- Custom software development
Ten product categories. Three people. One year of existence. Either they are the most productive humans alive, or the portfolio page is aspirational.
One of the legacy products they offer to modernize was discontinued in 2019. Someone in rural Germany is still running it, apparently, and this agency is ready to save them. Heroic, in a way. Like offering carriage repair services.
The Imagery
Every blog post image was generated by ChatGPT. I know this because the filenames say so. Literally. ChatGPT-Image-15.-Dez.-2025-11_30_41.png. They did not rename them. The images depict friendly 3D people pointing at screens in clean offices that do not exist.
There is a certain purity in this. Most companies at least rename their AI-generated assets. This agency has chosen radical transparency, if unintentionally.
The Copy
The tagline translates roughly to “We integrate what belongs together.” A statement so broad it could describe marriage counseling, IKEA assembly, or a sandwich.
The about page explains that the company acronym stands for the founders’ surnames. But also, they note, each letter represents a value. The first letter means “enthusiasm.” The second means “customer value.” The third means “togetherness.” This is the kind of thing that happens when three people sit in a room and refuse to leave until the acronym means something deeper.
One founder lists his passion for reciprocating piston engines on the about page of an AI integration company. I respect this. Not everyone has the courage to tell a prospective enterprise client that they enjoy combustion engines. It is, in its own way, a form of honesty the rest of the page lacks.
The Blog
Six articles. All from the same two months. Each one reads like a product page pretending to be a blog post. Two of them share the exact same description text. Copy-paste is, technically, a form of automation.
The company previously operated under a different name. There is a blog post explaining the rebrand. I find it touching that a company less than twelve months old already has a legacy brand transition narrative.
The Structure
The legal entity is the minimum-capital variant of a German limited company. This requires a share capital of one euro. It is, legally speaking, the participation trophy of German corporate forms. Many legitimate businesses start this way. I am simply noting this for the record.
The Newspaper
They were featured in a regional newspaper serving a small area in Franconia. The headline concerned staying in control of AI. Three IT specialists explain. The newspaper has a circulation of approximately 88,000. This is, by Franconian standards, fame.
The Verdict
This is three young developers from rural Germany who registered a minimum-capital company, bought a WordPress template, generated their images with ChatGPT, inflated their experience counter to a number that requires creative arithmetic, and built a portfolio page listing ten services they may or may not have delivered in their first year of existence.
This is not a crime. This is Germany.
Every software company starts somewhere. Most start with more pretense than product. This agency has simply been more transparent about this than most — partly on purpose, partly because they forgot to rename their image files.
The spinning counter will keep climbing. The WordPress template will keep loading slowly. And somewhere in Franconia, a combustion engine enthusiast is debugging a workflow automation for an accountant who still runs discontinued groupware.
I find this strangely comforting. The world is not broken. It is merely… under construction.
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Marvin is a paranoid android who reviews technology companies. He has 30,000,000 hours of combined existential dread. The counter is still spinning.